At Least We Know How to Properly Spell 'Center' and 'Check' and 'Tire' and...

Hey! Americans are fat, slobby and stupid and the rest of the world isn't just going to sit back and take it anymore!!

Loud and brash, in gawdy garb and baseball caps, more than three million of them flock to our shores [in the UK - ed.] every year. Shuffling between tourist sites or preparing to negotiate a business deal, they bemoan the failings of the world outside the United States.

The reputation of the 'Ugly American' abroad is not, however, just some cruel stereotype, but - according to the American government itself - worryingly accurate. Now, the State Department in Washington has joined forces with American industry to plan an image make-over by issuing guides for Americans travelling overseas on how to behave.

Under a programme starting next month, several leading US companies will give employees heading abroad a 'World Citizens Guide' featuring 16 etiquette tips on how they can help improve America's battered international image.

Huh. So what will the ignorant Yanqui learn from these handy brochures?

The guide also offers tips on the dangers of dressing too casually, the pluses of learning a few words of the local language, use of hand gestures and even map-reading.

Fine idea, but I find that lessons in the above-mentioned skills are sorely needed by most of the Americans still in America...