Wisconsin Underpants-Related Crime Update

I'm having a tough time deciding which of these headlines I like better:

Judge talks tough to two-time underwear thief

Man sentenced for underwear incidents

These are actually referring to two separate recent incidents, both of which I first heard of through the usual "goofy news"-type outlets. But there's no substitute for following a tale back to its source. The story referred to by the first headline, in which one Anthony Scholfield of Menomonie, Wisconsin, received a year-long jail term for his theft of 14 pair of womens' underthings, got maybe half a decent-sized paragraph when mentioned on the world's papers and websites; head on over to the Dunn County News page, however, and you'll find a sprawling, epic courtroom drama more akin to one of those god damn Law and Order permutations than something for the "wacky" morning show DJ to read.

"Scholfield was first convicted of felony burglary in December of 2003 after a search of his apartment uncovered more than 850 pairs of stolen women’s underwear. Released after two years’ probation, he repeated the offense in July 2005.

"According to the criminal complaint, his most recent victim, a 24-year-old woman, had ordered a pizza from Jeff and Jim’s Pizza, where Scholfield worked as a delivery man, on July 1 before leaving town for the Fourth of July weekend. When she returned, she noticed that the screen had been removed from a window of her apartment.

"Two recent burglaries that took place near the UW-Stout over the prior Memorial Day weekend alerted Menomonie police to a pattern that resembled Scholfield’s prior mode of operation. A search of the man’s apartment yielded 14 pairs of stolen panties, three of them identified as belonging to the victim."

There's more. Much, much more.

Story #2 lacks the Hitchcockian burn of irresistible, sexualized obsession, instead turning on that eternal human theme: REVENGE!

"A 58-year-old Wausau man was sentenced today to six months of probation after he was caught on videotape hanging underwear from the mirrors of vehicles at the Wausau and Marathon County Parks, Recreation and Forestry Department....

"Police received a complaint in August from Parks Department Director Bill Duncanson, who said bras and panties of all different sizes had been hung on the department’s vehicles 30 to 50 times at night while they were parked on River Drive."

Most distressingly:

"Some of the underwear is new and some seemed to be worn, according to the police report."

From the The Racine Journal Times:

"A police report on the matter said the man acknowledged he had put the underwear on the vehicles, saying he was upset with the parks department because an employee cutting grass at Big Bull Falls Park would blow grass onto him while he sat in a gazebo."