TV Finales are Over, or, Why I Might Just Kill Myself

Being a self-professed TV junkie, finale time is always super depressing for me. The regular TV season is very comforting to me, and may be the only aspect of my life that I actually enjoy planning. Even though my school, work, social and family lives are unpredictable and difficult, I could always count on watching Survivor on Thursdays at 7; or on Wednesdays when they had to move it around due to "March Madness" or some other horseshit. On Tuesday evenings when I had class, I had to remember to remind Dan to tape Amazing Race. And Wednesday evenings, with the Lost-Alias combo, had become a reliable and comfortable--yet incredibly suspenseful-- way for me to spend an evening. So now, with all my regular shows having concluded over the past few weeks, I'm entering the typical end-of-season depression I'm prone to. I imagine it will gradually get better, as is usually the case, as I find other shows to bide my time. CBS will be doing another season of Big Brother here soon (another one of my perennially trashy faves), and there's always fare on cable that I enjoy (Dog the Bounty Hunter, Airline, Mythbusters, Animal Cops, Wonder Showzen, South Park, etc.). But it's really just not the same. Summer just isn't long enough to create that lulling regularity that you get from a regular TV season. The networks don't even run reruns IN ORDER, which totally sucks. I try to tell myself it's a good thing-- I could read a book or get some schoolwork done, or spend more time at the movies. But I'm pretty damn tired of schoolwork at this point, and my moviegoing habits are nothing short of rabid devotion already. So I'm left to pine for Fall, and new TV shows. And these are the shows I'll miss the most:

1. ALIAS
I'm kind of a later-comer to ALIAS, and I feel like a fool because of it. I remember when the show first started in 2001, I wasn't really watching much TV. It was a few weeks after the whole 9/11 event, and my head just wasn't in the right place for watching much of anything aside from news. Getting entangled into the fine plotlines of a new serial spy thriller just didn't appeal to me then. I sort of paid attention to Alias here and there, and caught a few episodes when I thought of it. Every time I did, I thought "Wow, this show is really cool. Wish I understood what they were talking about." I finally started watching regularly in season 3, figuring I'd pick it up. I've found season 4 has made sense overall to me, but I figured I'd have a better grasp if I just rented the first two seasons. I thought about doing it all year, but my school schedule was making the prospect seem unlikely. Because when I rent tv shows on DVD, I generally end up doing NOTHING ELSE other than watching said tv show. It's like crack for a tv lover's soul-- an ENTIRE SEASON of a show, just sitting there enticing you to watch just one more episode. Cliffhangers? No prob--just pop in the next disk!! I finally made good on renting Alias once my spring semester ended earlier this month. I went ahead and got the whole first season, since it was only 22 episodes. I had 5 days, but I had them finished by the end of the weekend. Dan returned those for me and got me Season 2's first and second disks. The next few were checked out by someone else, so I'm kind of in Alias limbo right now. But at least I had the season 4 finale to tide me over this week!
So yeah....the Alias finale ruled! Especially the final scene in the car: "My name's not really Michael Vaughn." BAM. What the hell?! It raises a lot of questions, and since I'm really fresh off season 1, I'm in total goofy speculation mode. I'm glad they managed to bring Lena Olin on board, too, at least for the finale.

2. LOST
I was a little doubtful of this modern day Gilligan's Island at first, but became hooked pretty quickly. I'm actually glad that the show hasn't pandered to the audience too much, and has left more questions open rather than answering them. It makes it all a little high-concept, which I'm willing to live with, because it seems there are too few shows out there willing to be this balls-out about unsolved eerie mysteries. It all speaks to one of my big fears in life, being LOST. I have a SERIOUS map addiction, and I'm not trying to be funny here. Whenever I'm traveling somewhere, I have to have a map close at hand to trace the routes, learn place and geographic names, and just to orient myself spatially. Without a map I get panicky, and get that awful, awful feeling of being lost. The idea of being not only in a plane crash (one of my huge fears), and with no idea of where you are is simply terrifying.
Lost has totally permeated into even my subconsciousness, as I recently had a pretty scary dream about being one of the castaways. "The Others" attacked me and stole some of my real-life work materials--some reel-to-reel tapes I'm digitizing. For some reason this caused a real breakdown for me. Maybe that's just my subconscious worrying about work manifesting itself in a creative way, but I dunno. I woke up all panicked and freaked out. Oh yeah, and Locke taught me how to throw daggers and stuff.
Season 2 will have a lot of questions to grapple with, if not answer, and I'm sure there are more strange surprises on the way. Now that the hatch has been physically opened, someone will be climbing down there in the season debut. We'll definitely get more on who the "Others" are, as the show will probably follow Walt on his own, at least a little bit. Are the "Others" supernatural pirates? Was Rousseau's kid on the boat? What about the numbers? How are the dudes from the raft going to survive? And here's a question I haven't seen a single news article speculate on: Are there any other survivors from flight 815? Jack's flashback from the airport with fellow flight passenger (from the rear of the plane) Michelle Rodriguez seems to indicate the possibility, especially considering articles noting that she will be "joining the cast" this fall.
All in all, I thought it was an excellent finale, it laid out some good groundwork for the future, and it gives us plenty to speculate on for the summer. Others are more grumpy and disagree, but I think they're just being trigger-happy.

3. THE AMAZING RACE
This has been my favorite show since it's debut a few years ago, but I'm ranking it at number three perhaps because I am suspicious that this fall's "Family Amazing Race" is probably going to not be as good as regular ol' Amazing Race. Leave it to the geniuses at CBS to screw up a perfectly AWESOME show. I'm convinced that someone in the upper levels at CBS really hates this show, or Phil Keoghan (I dunno why, cuz he rules!), because it seems like there have been waaay too many attempts to sideline this show along the way. Jerkfaces.

4. DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
I'd read a bit about the show before it started and thought it was intriguing enough to give a try. I don't know much about Housewifery, except what I've learned from the movies and 1950s sitcoms. I find the show pretty entertaining, and love the whole what-looks-perfect-really-isn't factor, but would it kill ABC to not air promos that give away vital show information? That's why I watch the show, ABC, I don't need you to tempt me with the most vital tidbits ahead of time!
I hope there are some new characters to shake things up a bit in the next season. I'm already tiring of Susan and her shrill tones and sunken-in cheek-bones.


5. SURVIVOR
I can't miss my Survivor. A lot of people cut out after watching a few seasons, but I've been devoted to Survivor since the beginning. The show is in danger of becoming a tad stale, but they've done a pretty good job the past few seasons of trying to mix things up a little without totally wrecking the true essence of the show. I'm still waiting for a true Celebrity Survivor. And I want like Christopher Walken, Robert Duvall, Jennifer Lopez, and Cameron Diaz insead of the people they got for "I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!"


6. AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL
I hate models, but this show RULES! It's hard to explain to people why its worth giving a chance; the weird challenges the girls have to do, the bitchy exchanges between contestants, the bulimia charges, or just watching that hideous malformed gorgon, Janice Dickinson. Modeling is hard!


7. ER
I've been watching ER all along, and missed maybe 2 seasons along the way. I'm interested in the characters, but repelled by the blood and medical procedures. It's tough!

8. THE APPRENTICE
I hate business and Donald Trump but I watch The Apprentice! I guess what I'm struck by every week the most, is the ludicrous nature of the challenges. I don't have an MBA or JD, but I think I could match wits and ideas with these people just fine. Would they let someone with an MLIS (master's of library science) in the mix? Probably not, because then someone would have to explain to Donald Trump, and the general TV audience that there is such a degree, and why it is needed, what it involves, etc. I don't want to work for "the Don", but it would be cool to win the Apprenticeship job and say, "You know, I think I'm going to turn down your offer and work at the Library of Congress. So suck it."

9. THE BACHELOR
Yes, I know this show is bad. Really bad. It's ultra-formulaic, even with all the crazy "twists" they thought they were throwing in this season. Every new Bachelor gets worse in terms of an undefinable "douchebag factor". Charlie "Now we're cookin'...with gas!" O'Connell was excruciating to watch in many ways, and not just because of his accent, or limited vocabulary. This guy is the epitome of the one-liner bachelor, the "what's your sign?" dude. And what was the point of choosing someone extremely-marginally "famous"? If that was ABC's real desire, I think they could have found someone uhhh, a little more well known. They found people for Celebrity Mole, didn't they? Although now that I think of it, a lot of those folks weren't exactly too high on the ol' celebrity ladder either....
I don't think I've ever really liked any of the Bachelors; ABC tends to choose these smug, self-important dullards who don't have much to offer besides (slightly) deep pockets. I didn't like any of the Bachelorettes either, except for Meredith, although that show seems to make for more compelling TV overall because it reverses the power structure a bit. I hate normal people, the way they cling to goofy antiquated ideals about what romance is and what marriage has to be, and weddings in general. So you think this show would be the last thing I'd want to watch. And it is in some ways, but I guess I keep watching for the train-wreck factor. I can't stand all those things, yet I'm impelled to watch, and yell at my TV when the boobs on it meet my low expectations. And really, isn't that what reality TV is all about, making ourselves feel all awesome and stuff?