We Love Wrestling (But Not Too Much Wrestling)

So yesterday I got a copy of IWA Mid South's “One More Time” show from back in June. I’ve been out of the wrestling loop for a little while, and I figure I’ll start at the beginning of the summer and catch up (I’ve got some Ring of Honor cards on the way as well; I’ve never actually seen any ROH before - it always sounded way too athletic and not nearly sleazy enough, kind of like watching the Olympics - so I’ll let you know what I think). I’m excited to see new (for me) matches from Samoa Joe, Homicide, CM Punk and Chris Hero, plus I’m intrigued by Alex Shelley, who’s new to me.

I don’t get a chance to pop the tape in until late last night, almost 1 o’clock. First match is a good-enough brawl between Jason Dukes (who apparently is a regular at Mid-American Wrestling in Milwaukee) and some guy named Hillbilly Jed. Like every other wrestler ever named “Hillbilly ____________”, Hillbilly Jed is a big fat guy who wears overalls. For a big dude, he’s pretty agile, though. Like I said, good enough, a perfectly fine opening match.

Time for match #2, which turns out to be Samoa Joe vs. Homicide, which I would’ve thought they’d save for the end (if not the main, then certainly near the end of the card), but, hey, both these guys rule, so I’m fine with it. They beat on each other in all sorts of fun ways and I’m a happy wrestling fan. At one point, they wind up out of the ring and on the floor, brawling into the crowd. This sends the fans scurrying for safety, which is always amusing at an IWA MS show, as the crowd usually consists of about 25 farm kids sitting in steel folding chairs. A nice mix of submission moves and hard strikes to the part of the body you think with; I think someone may have even started bleeding, but the ol’ memory’s a little spotty as it was inching toward 2AM at this point. I decide to see how long the show is by FF-ing to the end while watching the counter. After several minutes of whirring and clicking by my bronze-age VCR, I get to the end, read the numbers on the counter and almost literally weep: 4:00:00! That’s four hours!! Christ, WWE pay-per-views aren’t four hours long!! That’s simply too much wrestling!! Why do the people who put on bush-league wrestling shows feel the need to pack it so full? I appreciate the whole “bang-for-the-buck” mindset that’s probably at work here, but JEEZ, I got things to do with my life. Looks like I’m gonna be watching this one in fits and starts, so look for more details later.

Speaking of wrestling, anyone who follows the Only Good Sport online has no doubt already come across this. Even if you’re not a wrestling fan - no, ESPECIALLY if you’re not a wrestling fan - I urge you to read this, as it will make you laugh hard while making you feel very, very dirty. And there’s nothing like a good mix of knee-slapping laffs and abject horror.